| PEOPLE |
 |
 Marjorie Taylor Greene
Visits Iowa to Test National Appeal
She's thinking of running for president
on the Monster Raving Loony Party ticket. |
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| |
| POLITICS |
|
McCarthy Jokes He'll Use
Gavel on Nancy Pelosi if
He Becomes Speaker
She quips she'll crush his nuts
with it if he doesn't. |
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| BUSINESS |
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With Widening Wealth
Disparity, More Americans
Shopping at Dollar Stores
Some turning to Fifty Cent stores. |
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Study: 3 in 4 Employees Want
to Work From Home Forever
Two in four want to stay in bed
forever. |
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 Amazon Expanding
Size of Its Physical Stores
Changing name to Gimbels. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Study: “Bullshitting” Actually
Sign of Intelligence
“Proves my point,” says Trump. |
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| ENVIRONMENT |
|
 Rain Falls
at Summit of Greenland Ice Sheet
for First Time in Recorded History
“We needed it,” says scientist
living there. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Study: Gamers Burn 420
Calories in 2 Hours Playing
Video Games
Approximately two packs of Skittles. |
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Study: Toxic Metals Seeping
Into Our Bones, Modern Tech
Making it Worse
But lawyers say it's way too early
to sue. |
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Anti-Vaxxers Refusing Blood
Transfusions From Vaccinated Donors
Proudly say they'd rather die. |
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