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Ironic Times

 NO. 800 “Expect the Ironic” FEBRUARY 1 - 7, 2016 

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BULLETIN OF ATOMIC SCIENTISTS KEEPS DOOMSDAY CLOCK AT 3 MINUTES TO MIDNIGHT
Pending results of Iowa Caucus.
 
WORLD NEWS
Merkel: Refugees Must Return
Home Once Syrian War Over

Then, if it resumes, they can come back.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS ...
 
  Only Women Senators Show Up to Work Day After Snowstorm
They approve bill converting three men's restrooms in Capitol building to women's restrooms.
U. S. NEWS
22 of Clinton's Emails
Considered Top Secret

And NSFW.
Report: Bloomberg Willing
To Spend $1 Billion on
Presidential Campaign

Would run on platform of smaller soft drinks.
 
REMINDER
  You don't have to launder dark money.
 
Report: Black Drivers in Florida Face Far Stricter Seatbelt Enforcement
“We care about their safety,” say cops.
 
POLITICS
Ben & Jerry's Debuts Limited Edition “Bernie's Yearning” Ice Cream
Already sold out of “Trump Orange Nut” (not shown).
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