|NASCAR Season Cancelled
Lack of any living drivers is to blame.
|NBA Refs Sued For Racial
Most fouls called on African-American
players, suit alleges.
Adjusted Slightly at U.S. Newspapers
Just in time for spectacular spring sale
at your nearest Sears.
|PICTURE OF THE
HOLLYWOOD'S NATIONAL GUARD
UNIT STRUTS ITS STUFF
Annual Don't Ask, Don't Tell
parade draws thousands of onlookers.
|Last week, in our listing of films
for the whole family, we erroneously gave
a G rating to the movie, Snow White
Does the Seven Dwarfs. It should
have been rated XXX. We apologize for any
confusion this may have caused.
Gale Norton, Secretary
of the Interior
|IronicTimes: You've put
photographs of offshore oil platforms on
the walls of the Interior Department
alongside the old photos of National
Parks. Any other innovations?
|Norton: Well, there's the
Mining for Millions program, where we
invite the CEO's of the top mining
companies to compete for extraction
rights in our National Parks by answering
really easy questions.
|IronicTimes: What are you
doing in the area of wildlife protection?
|Norton: We have an exciting
new initiative, the Animal Early Warning
Alert, where we go into a National Park
weeks before an oil drilling operation is
scheduled to begin and give the li'l
critters plenty of advance notice.
|IronicTimes: You've been an
advocate of "multiple use" for
our public lands. Is there anything
besides mining and oil drilling you'd
like to add to the mix?
|Norton: Yes. Weapons