POPE
TELLS CROWD: YOU
ARE ALL CONDEMNED TO
ETERNAL DAMNATION
Doesn't crack a
smile during annual April
Fools Day message. |
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WORLD NEWS |
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President Urges Calm in Middle
East
Hopes it will remain quiet until he's out
of office. |
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Euro Disney to Destroy All
Cloven-Hoofed Animals
Goofy being examined. |
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BUSINESS |
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Customers Using Other Banks'
ATM's Hit with Rising Surcharges
Also, mild electric shocks. |
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As Economy Worsens, Social
Security Trust Fund Managers
Seek New Solutions
Assisted suicide under review. |
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ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
3.5 Million
Year-old Man May Be
Distant Cousin of Homo
Sapiens
Kenyanthropus
Platyops showed up at
family events, borrowed
money. |
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U. S. NEWS |
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Bush Says He Prefers
"Informal" Press Conferences
Also multiple choice questions,
lifelines,
polling audience for help. |
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High Court Takes Up Marijuana
Issue
Decision not expected for many, many
months. |
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President Hits the Road
to Campaign for Tax Cut
Hopes to get large deduction for travel
expenses. |
CENSUS
2000
Latest Figures Reveal New
Demographic Picture of California |
Celebrities |
41% |
Extraterrestrials |
11% |
Waiters |
23% |
Other |
6% |
Personal
Trainers |
18% |
Don't Know |
1% |
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ENVIRONMENT |
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Bush: We Need to Dig for Oil
in Wilderness Areas, National Parks
More gas needed for summer trips to
wilderness areas, national parks. |
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