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PAGE THREE - SEPTEMBER 17 - 23, 2001
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RELIGION
Rev. Moon Presides Over Mass Divorce
Ten thousand moonie couples decide to call it quits.
EDUCATION
Three of Four U.S. Students
Do Bad in English

But remaining half do good in math.
 
INTERNET
ICANN Announces Seven
New Domain Names
They are: .duh, .wow, .ugh, .yuk, .hoo, .hah, .feh.
Online Gambling, Porno Sites'
Annual Ad Revenue: $10 Billion
All other sites: $10.
Yoo-Hoo to Purchase Yahoo
Yogi Berra foresees few changes at popular Internet site.
 
SPORTS
Tiger Woods Loses U.S. Open
Some other guy wins it.
NBA Refs Sued for Racial Profiling
Most fouls called on African-American players, suit alleges.
American Youth Sports Association
Issues New Guidelines for Parents:

1) Sit down. 2) Shut up.
New Report: Pete Rose Gambled
Bought technology stocks.
FIDEL CASTRO SIGNS WITH CHICAGO CUBS
Will give up Communism in exchange for multi-year contract.
WINE COLUMN

by Mr. Wine

At this time of year, with the holidays upon us, anything is a reason to celebrate, and what better way than with a bottle of fine wine. Here are some gift suggestions for the oenophile in the family:

Le Vieux Donjon Châteauneuf-du-Pape 1996, $85
A rich, complicated, fruity red that within minutes gives you a good buzz. After a couple of bottles I was horizontal, lying in a puddle of my own making. Highly recommended.

Antinori Toscana Solaia 1987, $140
An exquisite, full-bodied red from Tuscany that'll get you there. They say it's best after 2006, but I couldn't wait for the cork to come out. Mix it with ginger ale and rum and assign a designated driver.

Thunderbird White (Clear), 2000, $3
Utterly unpretentious, a simple, uncomplicated white for those of you with a preference for the lighter taste of a chardonnay and its related varietals. Goes well with half-finished burritos, chicken or beef, whatever you don't mind seeing again. Best enjoyed straight from the bottle.

One thing to remember about wine, whether white, red, or a mixture of both (the way I like it), you can't go wrong with the fancy-sounding names, especially the French ones. Happy New Year!
 
 
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