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SANTA ARRESTED IN
ENGLAND
Caught red-handed smuggling
elves. |
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WORLD NEWS |
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Justice Dept.: American
Taliban Won't Be Charged With
Treason
He'll be charged with making an
infuckingcredibly stupid career choice. |
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Argentina In Crisis: Peronists
Take Control
New musical planned. |
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MISCELLANEOUS |
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Donner, Blitzen Call It
Quits
Cite global warming, pollution,
cancellation of ABM Treaty. |
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IRONIC TIMES
EXCLUSIVE: |
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Bin Laden Spotted
in Paris
Al Queda leader, (right,)
barely recognizable after
plastic surgery. |
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U. S. NEWS |
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Bush Proclaims Human
Rights Week
Anyone who doubts his commitment to human
rights will face a military tribunal. |
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Cheney Sends Holiday
Greetings
From Undisclosed Location
Encrypted message conceals clandestine
wishes for unspecified recipients. |
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NRA Opposes Ban on Private
Ownership of Biological Weapons
If biological weapons are
outlawed, they claim, only outlaws will have
biological weapons. |
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ODDS AND ENDS |
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Hollywood A-List Abolished
Everybody now on B-List. |
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Sock Supposedly Lost 30
Years Ago Is Found
Now, if I can just find the other
one, grumbles Ed Sowicki of
Deerfield, Mass. |
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