| |
SANTA ARRESTED IN
ENGLAND
Caught red-handed smuggling
elves. |
|
 |
|
| WORLD NEWS |
 |
Justice Dept.: American
Taliban Won't Be Charged With
Treason
He'll be charged with making an
infuckingcredibly stupid career choice. |
|
Argentina In Crisis: Peronists
Take Control
New musical planned. |
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Donner, Blitzen Call It
Quits
Cite global warming, pollution,
cancellation of ABM Treaty. |
| |
| IRONIC TIMES
EXCLUSIVE: |
|
Bin Laden Spotted
in Paris
Al Queda leader, (right,)
barely recognizable after
plastic surgery. |
|
 |
|
|
| U. S. NEWS |
|
Bush Proclaims “Human
Rights Week”
Anyone who doubts his commitment to human
rights will face a military tribunal. |
|
Cheney Sends Holiday
Greetings
From Undisclosed Location
Encrypted message conceals clandestine
wishes for unspecified recipients. |
|
NRA Opposes Ban on Private
Ownership of Biological Weapons
“If biological weapons are
outlawed,” they claim, “only outlaws will have
biological weapons.” |
| |
 |
| |
| ODDS AND ENDS |
|
Hollywood A-List Abolished
Everybody now on B-List. |
|
Sock Supposedly Lost 30
Years Ago Is Found
“Now, if I can just find the other
one,” grumbles Ed Sowicki of
Deerfield, Mass. |
|
