| PEOPLE |
 |
Bill Gates
Discards "Nerd"
Tag
Wants to be referred to
as an "aristocratic
twit" from now on. |
|
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|
| |
| SPORTS |
|
Spring Training Opens
Pitchers, catchers reported;
Rookie Haiku shines. |
|
Prediction of
Extraterrestrials Visiting Olympics
Doesn't Pan Out
Phoenix woman's claim of alien
delegation arriving on the evening of
Feb. 21 is off by fourteen-and-a-half
hours. |
|
Tyson Granted Boxing License
In Washington, D.C.
Will fight Lennox Lewis on floor of
Senate during campaign finance
filibuster. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
All of Los Angeles to
Read One Book
Entire population will tackle Good
Night Moon. |
| |
| PICTURE OF THE WEEK |
|
First Cloned Elk Shown to Public
"A few bugs" still
need to be ironed out. |
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| YOUR HOROSCOPE |
| For the week
February 25 - March 3 |
| Aquarius,
January 20-February 18 –
You'll win the lottery, $43 million before taxes. |
| Pisces,
February 19-March 20 –
You'll win the lottery, $43 million before taxes, but your winning ticket
will be challenged and you will face charges of forgery. |
| Aries,
March 21-April 19 –
You'll fall in love with a badminton player from Mongolia. |
| Taurus,
April 20-May 20 –
Despondent over a failed relationship, you'll move to
Mongolia and take up badminton,
but become disillusioned and return home, only to find love. |
| Gemini,
May 21-June 21 –
You'll sell all your Enron, K-Mart and Global Crossing
stock certificates on
eBay, but when the companies rebound you'll
miss out on a fortune. |
| Cancer,
June 22-July 22 –
Your bid for Olympic gold will fall short when someone else bids higher. |
| Leo,
July 23-August 22 –
You will be detained at the airport for not wearing any clothes. |
| Virgo,
August 23-September 22 –
Your first movie will be received with less
than enthusiastic reviews, but then,
who reads reviews of X-rated films? |
| Libra,
September 23-October 22 –
This is a good week to cut down on your glue-sniffing and
get out more often. |
| Scorpio,
October 23-November 21 –
If you've got any soft money laying around, now would be a
good time to distribute it. |
| Sagittarius,
November 22-December
21 –
Pretend to be totally surprised when you're drawn into the Enron mess. |
| Capricorn,
December 22-January 19 –
Watch out for mile-wide asteroids, and be courteous to your waitress. |
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