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| NO. 91 |
"Expect
the Ironic" |
JUNE 10 - 16,
2002 |
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 FREEDONIA,
SYLVANIA POISED FOR WAR
Freedonia's President Firefly (right)
promises no first use of nuclear
weapons as long as Sylvania's
ambassador doesn't call him an "upstart"
again. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Britain Celebrates 50 Years
of
Queen Elizabeth
Royals gather to drink, philander, fall
off horses, make offensive remarks. |
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Arafat Arrests Himself
Not enough, says Israel. |
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| ANSWER
TO LAST WEEK'S NEWS QUIZ |
| "Osama
bin Laden" is the
name of the only person who
didn't know about the Sept.
11 attacks in advance. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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White House Turns Over
Enron Documents
But, for national security reasons,
they've been translated into Navajo. |
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Bush Administration Blames
Humans for Global Warming
Asks FBI, CIA to find out who they are. |
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REMINDER
Now would be a good time to
learn how to read. |
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Bureaucracy Blamed for
Delays in Communication
According to recently discovered memo
from 1999. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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Estate Tax Repeal Could Save
Family Farms, Small Businesses
Also $850 billion for the
super-rich. |
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| IRONIC
TIMES SPECIAL: The New Anti-Terrorist
Strategy - How It Works |
| Old |
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New |
| Office of Homeland Security |
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Department of Homeland
Security |
| No
Coordination Between Security-Related
Offices Located in Different Departments |
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No
Coordination Between Security-Related
Offices Located in Same Department |
| No Congressional Oversight,
Hearings Held Amidst Partisan Rancor,
Political Maneuvers |
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Congressional Oversight,
Hearings Held Amidst Partisan Rancor,
Political Maneuvers |
| Tom
Ridge Addressed as "Mr. Ridge,"
Calls Returned Reluctantly, No
Invitations to Parties |
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Tom
Ridge Addressed as "Mr.
Secretary," calls Returned Promptly,
Invited to Best Parties |
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| © Copyright 2002 Ironic
Times |
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