Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – OCTOBER 21 - 27, 2002
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  Robot Change Finder Finds
All Your Loose Change, Automatically

Looking for an easy, efficient way to find change you’ve dropped around the house? For under $200 you can get the Cointriever, a sophisticated microprocessor wedded to a nimble self-propelled robot that seeks and scoops up every coin hiding in your home. Even pennies! Available at all Gimbels stores.
Baseball: Off-Season
Shuffling Begins

Managers fired, coaches become managers, hire former managers as coaches.
The new fall season is in full swing and already 17 shows have been cancelled, 12 more have been shelved, and 21 were incinerated, their ashes spread over a remote region of Western Canada.
Of those that survived, one that could be a breakout hit for CBS is Eat the Money, a why-didn't-I-think-of-it game show with the appealingly simple premise of giving real people the chance to keep all the money they can eat.
Of course, after eating all that money they may end up on NBC's Triage, a not-for-the-squeamish reality show that rewards those emergency cases that get chosen first.
And finally, there's Immortality (Fox), offering something "better than wealth or fame," according to the show's promotional material. We'll see.
A Special Message About AOL 8.0 from Steve Case 
We're real excited about this week's rollout of our newest and best-ever version of AOL! Here's just a sample of our new features: AOL stock crash tracker: Your welcome screen alerts you every time AOL stock loses another 10%! (A special flashing message will appear when the stock reaches zero.) AOL rate increase alert: You'll be among the first to know when we jack up your fees. SEC Investigation Chat Group: interested in the ongoing SEC investigation of AOL? Connect with thousands of like-minded individuals who share your interest, like me. Suicide Prevention Hotline: We all have our moments of suicidal despair (trust me on this). Now AOL members can access instant professional help - it could save your life!

 ©  Copyright 2002 Ironic Times