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BUSH ACHIEVES
SAINTHOOD
Vatican counts election
victory in 2000, current
high approval rating as
miracles. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Study: Iraq War Could Kill
500,000
But will keep gas prices at reasonable
levels. |
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Saddam Look-Alike Met With
Bin Laden Sound-Alike in
City Resembling Prague
Proof of linkage, says Cheney's double. |
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| LAW |
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Supreme Court to Hear Internet
Porn Filtering Case
Justice Thomas vows to personally examine
every X-rated site on the web. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS |
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More Trouble
for Royal Family
Buckingham Palace toilet
cam had gone undetected
for three years. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Sperm Count Lower in Rural
Areas
Finally some good news for
Democrats. |
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Greenspan: Economy Will Be
Fine
However, he asks to be paid in euros. |
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Analysts Say Conflict
Inevitable
Most pick Defense Department over State
Department in short, brutal war. |
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REMINDER
History is written by
the winners,
and translated for the losers. |
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Linguist Shortage Hampers
U.S. Intelligence
Few Americans speak Pashto,
Farsi, or English. |
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Teen Says Video Game
Inspired Crime Spree
Game maker will incorporate teen’s
crime spree in next edition. |
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