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PRESIDENT TAKES QUESTIONS FROM
9/11 PANEL
But has difficulty hearing them. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
 |
White House Points to Progress
In Iraq
Says country will soon have
democratically elected leader, like
Haiti. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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Krispy Kreme to Offer
Low-Calorie Doughnut
The oxymoron will be available soon. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
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Treasury
Dept. Issues First One
Million Dollar Bill
For the convenience of
the Bush reelection
campaign. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
|
Bush Campaign Criticized for
“Shameless” Use of 9/11
Images in Commercials
Apologizes, replaces them with clips from
The Passion of the Christ. |
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Deficit to Exceed $500
Billion
$2000 per family member will be charged
to your credit card. |
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REMINDER
The universe is expanding at
an ever-increasing rate, but you
don't have to. |
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Boston Archdiocese Sues
Insurance Co. For $85 Million
In Sex Abuse Claims
Unfortunately, somebody has to win. |
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Justice Dept. Demands to See
Records At Women's Health Clinics
Wants to destroy anything relating to
recent gun purchases. |
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| POLITICS |
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Bush Accuses Kerry of
Flip-Flopping
Kerry accuses Bush of flopping.
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