| POLITICS |
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GOP Insulted By Hillary
Clinton's Comparison of George W. Bush
to Alfred E. Neuman
So is Mad magazine. |
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| SPORTS |
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NHL, Players Reach Deal
To End Lockout
But threatened strike by Zamboni
operators could scuttle season. |
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Baseball, With Minor Changes,
Will Return to Olympics
The Baseball Pentathlon (hit, run, throw,
catch, shoot) will be part of 2016 games. |
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| AMAZING TALES OF THE
PARANORMAL |
A
well known celebrity who is also
governor of a large, sunny state on the
west coast, made a deal with the
publisher of two bodybuilding magazines
"to further the business
objectives" of the publisher, in
exchange for 1% of their advertising
revenues, mostly from vitamin
supplements, a deal estimated to be worth $8 million
to the governor. Soon after signing the
deal, the same governor had a
bill cross his desk regulating, and in
some cases banning the use of those same
vitamin supplements. Amazingly, the
governor vetoed the bill! |
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| FEATURE |
 |
| A report last
week detailed both the
promise and the problems
of the Military's Energy-Beam
Weapons Program.
What's holding things up? |
| A ) |
Electro-magnetic laser
cannon tends to jam in
“stun” position
when user tries to move
it up to “kill.” |
| B ) |
Force field not strong enough
to prevent interference
from cellphones. |
| C ) |
Testing on detainees
still not complete. |
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| RELIGION |
|
Bush Asks Jerry Falwell for Advice
On Supreme Court Nominee
Falwell tells Bush he'll ask God, then
get back to him. |
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| TRAVEL |
|
China: Restaurant Makes
Japanese Customers Apologize
For WWII Before Seating Them
Then doubles the MSG. |
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| ODDS AND ENDS |
|
Mexico City: Battle Rages
Over Fate of Ice Pick Used to Kill Trotsky
KGB wants it back. |
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