| NEW PRODUCTS |
 |
Caffeinated
Soap Reaches Market
Coming soon:
decaffeinated soap. |
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| |
| SPORTS |
|
Bonds Approaching Record
Once Seemed Unapproachable
Held by Jose Canseco. |
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
| |
NYC Couple Complete
2,500-Mile
Cab Ride to Arizona
Asked to go to MOMA; driver thought
they said Yuma. |
|
 |
China's
“Women's Town”
Run by Women
Modeled on “Boys
Town.” |
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| KIDZ KORNER |
Vocabulary
Builders
voter
fraud n.
the act of trying to
register to vote as a
Democrat, as in
“Alberto: the
President wants me to
tell you we think several
Attorneys General in
swing states are not
pursuing ~ aggressively
enough and should be
fired, so get on it -
Karl” |
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| FEATURE |
 |
| A report from the
Department of Homeland
Security’s Inspector
General has concluded
that FEMA still
improperly awards Katrina
relief contracts,
possibly in violation of
federal law and at a
substantial cost to
taxpayers to unqualified
companies who are: |
| A ) | struggling,
minority-owned local
businesses. |
| B ) | competent contractors
based on Mars. |
| C ) | major
donors to the Republican
party. |
| Hint: awarding
contracts to unqualified
bidders based on
political donations would
be unethical |
|
| The Secretary of
the Treasury wants to
roll back corporate
reforms enacted in the
Sarbanes-Oxley Act in the
wake of the Enron scandal
because: |
| A ) | we
now use only the finest
ethical business
practices so regulations
are no longer needed. |
| B ) | seeing us doing all that
paperwork causes other
countries to lose respect
for us. |
| C ) | over-regulated companies
might relocate to more
business-friendly places
like the Death Star. |
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