| MILESTONES |
 |
 Lincoln's,
Darwin's 200th Birthdays
Celebrated
At one event honoring both men,
tortoises were set free. |
|
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| LIFESTYLE |
| |
Study: 40% Have Dated Office
Colleague, 31% Married One
20% just had hot sex on the copier. |
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| SPORTS |
|
Pitchers, Catchers Report
Leave urine sample. |
|
 A-Rod
Admits Taking Steroids
And not being patient
enough at the plate. |
|
|
|
MLB May Reinstate Hank Aaron
as All-Time Home Run Champ
If he agrees to submit to a drug test. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
|
Recession
Hitting Rich Worse Than Poor
Poor have begun eating the rich. |
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| FEATURE |
 |
| The security firm
Blackwater has changed
its name. What is their new name? |
| |
A ) |
Mayhem, Carnage, Loot & Pillage, Ltd. |
| |
B ) |
Private Armies 'R' Us |
| |
C ) |
Murder, Inc. |
| Hint: who
wants to know? |
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| |
| TRAVEL |
|
United Airlines Drops
Customer
Complaint Number
Passenger satisfaction level soars, says
company. |
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
 Chavez Wins, Campaigned
for “Change”
To law limiting number of
terms he can serve as
president. |
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