| MISCELLANEOUS |
 |
 |
China Sets
World Record for Most
People Dying Hair at Same
Time
1.3 billion participated. |
|
|
|
 Japan:
Osaka Residents Scratching Heads
Over Giant Robot
Not sure if it's ingenious art
installation or threat to all
humanity. |
|
|
Dollar Rises Sharply Against
Other Currencies
After report that 90% of U.S. paper money
has traces of cocaine. |
| |
| SPORTS |
|
Another Dog Fighting Season
Begins Without Michael Vick
He's reportedly playing pro football. |
|
Phils' Infielder Pulls Off
15th Unassisted Triple
Play in Baseball History
Simultaneously spits, scratches, picks
nose with no help from teammates. |
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| Some economists are
predicting a “double-dip
recession,” a situation in which
business activity declines again after a
very slight improvement. Other possibilities
include: |
| |
A ) |
a triple-dip, or quadruple-dip
recession |
| |
B ) |
a full-scale Depression with sprinkles
on top |
| |
C ) |
a frozen banana republic on a
stick |
| Hint: Many
economists are already looking for part-time
work as soda jerks. |
|
|
|
| |
| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
Crypt Directly Above Marilyn
Monroe for Sale on Ebay for
$500,000
Note: you must be dead to move in. |
|
Iceland: Breidamerkurjokull
Glacier Melting Away
Used to have much longer name. |
|
