| PEOPLE |
 |
 Research
Reveals First Lady's Great-
Great-Great-
Grandfather Was White
New cousins “coming out of
the woodwork,” says White
House spokesperson. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
Hollywood in Turmoil as
Studio Heads Roll
Geniuses brought in to replace idiots. |
|
DeLay Leaving “Dancing
With the Stars”
He'll join Kate on “Tom & Kate Plus Eight.” |
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| BUSINESS |
|
McDonald's Opens in the
Louvre
Officially brings to close 500-year epoch of
European cultural dominance. |
|
 Chinese
Company Buys Hummer
Immediately announces “Year
of the Pig” sale. |
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| SCIENCE |
|
Mini-Colosseum Uncovered in
Rome
Archeologists believe it was used for
more intimate gladiator fights. |
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Study: Hungry Men Sexually
Attracted to Fatter Women
Advises single gals to eat like there's
no tomorrow. |
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Archeologists Find Site Near
Stonehenge
Believe it's some sort of gift shop. |
| |
 Giant
Dinosaur Footprints
Discovered in France
And they're fresh. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Even Modest Exercise
Boosts Self-Image
Just stay away from mirrors. |
|
APA Repudiates
Gay-to-Straight Therapy
But says straight-to-gay is a-okay. |
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