| PEOPLE |
 |
 Lindsay
Lohan Sentenced to 120 Hours
Cleaning Toilets at Morgue
Familiar surroundings to anyone
who's spent some time in a
nightclub's bathroom at 4 AM. |
|
| |
| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
 Schwarzenegger
to Star in New
“Terminator” Film
A body double will do his stunts,
his voice will be dubbed by
another actor, and everything
else will be computer generated. |
|
| |
| BUSINESS |
 |
McDonald's
Hiring 100,000 New Workers
Eligibility requirements: you
must be between the ages of 15
and 17, pimply, and of average
intelligence. |
|
 Exxon
Announces $11 Billion
in Earnings for First Quarter
Will spend it lobbying to keep tax
breaks. |
|
|
| SCIENCE |
|
Poll: Baby Boomers Say Age
An Asset in Workplace
Takes experience to make a good
cup of coffee for your young boss. |
|
Ability to Recognize Faces Inherited
Those without gene become receptionists. |
| |
 Search
for Extraterrestrial Life
Halted Due to Lack of
Funds
Money needed to scan
borders for illegal
aliens. |
|
|
| |
| INTERNET |
|
Majority of Internet Users
Never Click on Ads
Most say they're afraid to be
sucked into a hellish nightmare by
a computer worm that steals their
identity, robs them blind and leaves them
begging for food through the barred
windows of a debtor's prison. |
| |
| ENVIRONMENT |
|
Gray Wolves Dropped From Endangered
Species List
Move expected to result in their quick
return to list. |
|
