MARS ATTACKED!
 Invasion by technologically inferior
civilization reportedly under way. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Obama Authorizes Secret Support for
Syrian Rebels
Please don't tell anyone. |
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| ENVIRONMENT |
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Global Warming Skeptic Paid Millions by
Kochs Publicly Reverses Position
After hiding his millions offshore. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS |
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 Vertigo
Replaces Citizen Kane as Top Movie of
All Time
In new poll conducted by Hearst newspapers. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Top Wall Street CEOs Contribute to
Romney by 4-To-1 Margin Over Obama
Figure so disproportionate White House says it just
might stop doing everything they say. |
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Independent Analysis of Romney
Tax Plan Says it Favors Rich
Allows deductions for dancing horses,
Cadillacs and car elevators. |
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| REMINDER |
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History is written by the winners,
then rewritten by anonymous contributors to
Wikipedia. |
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Poll: Romney Has 20-Point Advantage
Among White Voters
“I just like the color of his skin,” says one. |
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| POLITICS |
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Democrats to Put Support for
Gay Marriage in Platform
Republicans to put support for gay
conversion in theirs. |
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