| TECHNOLOGY |
 |
 First 1,000-MPH
Car Shown Off to Public
Two-mile braking distance still a concern. |
|
|
One Billion People on Facebook
Put in perspective, that's one billion embarrassing, humiliating,
reputation-ruining photos, quotes and personal profiles. |
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Bill to Create National Manhattan Project
Historic Park Fails
Due to unexpectedly high radiation levels. |
| |
| SPORTS |
|
NBA Cracks Down on “Flopping”
Those found guilty will have large red “F” sewn on their jersey. |
|
Owner of Jets Says He'd Rather Romney Wins Than Jets
So far, Jets obliging. |
|
Hockey Lockout Continues
Players, league still far apart on dental plan, affirmative action. |
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| Mitt Romney's energetic
performance in the first presidential debate proves: |
| A ) | It helps
if you're not encumbered by your previous record. |
| B ) | It helps if
you're not encumbered by your previous positions. |
| C ) | It helps if
you're not encumbered by the facts. |
| D ) | All of the
above. |
| Hint: a lie travels half way around the
world before the truth can get its pants on. |
|
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| |
| RELIGION |
|
Two Christian Evangelical Broadcasters
Buy Key Locations in Jerusalem to Cover
Jesus's Return
Apocalypse Network jostling for best angle
with Beast Broadcasting. |
|
