| NEW PRODUCTS |
 |
 An Electric Fork
That Can Keep You Trim!
Finally, an intelligent utensil whose built-in
sophisticated computer tells you to slow down
if you're shoveling too much fat into your gullet,
and if it senses you're going back for seconds
— zap! — a few thousand volts puts
an end to that notion. $19.95, at Shocking Solutions. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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Jan. 19 “Gun Appreciation Day” Planned
By NRA
Followed by “Take Your Gun to Work Day,”
“Adopt A Gun Day.” |
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| SPORTS |
|
 MLB
Switching to Wireless Bullpen Phones
There will be a twelve-year breaking-in period for
managers to get familiar with the technology. |
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Nobody Elected to Baseball
Hall of Fame
“I didn't expect it,” says Jerry Nobody,
who never batted above .243, but tested negative
for steroids. |
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| FEATURE |
 |
| What do cockroaches, lice, colonoscopies,
traffic jams and root canals have in common? |
| A ) | They're horrible
things we hope to avoid. |
| B ) | They're disgusting,
yucky, miserable and painful. |
| C ) | They're things
that appear in our nightmares. |
| D ) | They're more
popular than Congress in a recent poll of 830 people. |
| Hint: go ask 830 people. |
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| ENVIRONMENT |
|
2012 Hottest Year on Record by Far
So hot you could fry an egg, two slices of bacon
and your choice of hash browns or home fries
on the sidewalk. |
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| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
 Ohio Family
Complains of Flammable Tap Water
But pay their gas and water bills with one check. |
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