| TECHNOLOGY |
 |
 Ping-Pong-Playing
Robot Can Beat Most Humans
At both ping-pong and chess. |
|
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Hollywood Conservative Organization
Granted Tax-Exempt Status
Which means Gary Sinise, Kelsey Grammer, Jon
Voigt and the estate of Andy Devine will all get
handsome refunds this spring. |
| |
| TRAVEL |
|
Denver Now Travelers' No. 1 Destination in U.S.
They come for the marijuana, stay for the munchies. |
| |
| SPORTS |
|
 Los Angeles
Kiss, Rock Group-Owned Arena Football League
Team, Wins First Game
Only two players' tongues injured. |
|
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| The real reason Putin has invaded Crimea is: |
| A ) | He got up on the wrong side of bed a week ago Friday. |
| B ) | Black Sea VacationLand! |
| C ) | It was intended as a gesture of
friendship, but something was lost in translation. |
| D ) | Curveball informed him that Ukraine has WMD. |
| E ) | He’s not a bad kid, just misunderstood. |
| Hint: There is no such thing as a bad kid. |
|
|
|
| |
| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
 Peru: Wild
Celebrations Last Until Dawn
At annual Festival of Cocaine. |
|
|
