| TECHNOLOGY |
 |
 Google Holds
“Glass Night Out” to Make Us
More Comfortable With People Wearing
Google Glass
Instead, it creeps us out even more. |
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Smartphone Makers Now Making $30
Billion Replacing Stolen Smartphones, $7
Billion Insuring Them
Nothing to do with why they oppose
technology which could make stolen
Smartphones worthless. |
|
Revealed: 14 People Hold Keys
That Can Turn Internet On,
Off in Emergency
Each also has key to restroom. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Report: Master Violinists Can't Tell
Difference Between New Violins
and Those Made by Stradivarius
But ten times more likely to leave
Stradivarius in cab. |
|
Study: To Sound Smarter,
Use Your Middle Initial
To sound even smarter, add a Ph.D. |
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| NEW PRODUCTS |
|
 New Soylent All You Need to Live!
Not really made from people (according to the bottle),
new Soylent replaces food, vitamins – everything –
allowing you more time to work, play and, uh, watch
other people eat. $19.99 per bottle, at Foodless. |
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| |
| ENVIRONMENT |
|
Report: Great Britain's Nuclear
Dump Will Start Leaking in a
Few Hundred Years
Plenty of time for the government to
prepare an apology. |
| |
| CORRECTION |
| |
| We reported that a White House study laying the groundwork for
keeping everyone’s emails, texts and photos “lays the groundwork
for keeping everyone’s emails, texts and photos.” We meant to
say that the study “lays the groundwork for keeping everyone’s
texts, emails and photos safe and secure.” We regret any
confusion caused by our mistake. |
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