| PEOPLE |
 |
 Dylan “Honored”
to Win Award, But Can't Attend
Nobel Ceremony
Has to shampoo his hair. |
|
|
Report: Trump Values Loyalty
Above All Else
Certainly above intelligence, experience, or character. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Black Friday Expected to
Be Bigger Than Last Year
Led by gun sales to Democrats. |
|
United Offering Cheaper Fares,
But Adds Fees for Carry-Ons,
Seat Selection
And life vest. |
|
 Peru: Secret
Service Seizes $30 Million in
Counterfeit U.S. Bills
Peruvian counterfeiters have kept U.S. economy
afloat for eight years. |
|
|
| SCIENCE |
|
NASA, FEMA Simulate Asteroid
Strike on Los Angeles
Determines millions will die, followed by
financial rebirth led by hugely successful
disaster films. |
|
“You Can't Wish Away
the Facts,”
Top Scientist Tells Trump
Trump to seek second opinion. |
| |
 Stephen
Hawking: We Won't Last 1000
Years on This Planet
It's his latest pick-up line. |
|
|
| |
| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Study: Rich Outlive Poor
By Up to 9.5 Years
Nine and a half years with no one
to take care of them. |
|
Research: Exercise Can Help
Concussion Patients Recover Faster
Conclusion: as soon as they can see straight,
send 'em back in the game. |
|
