| PEOPLE |
 |
 |
FIDEL CASTRO DIES
His last words went on and on for two and a half hours. |
|
| |
| MEDIA |
|
Revealed: Russian Fake News
Factory Pumped Out Pro-Trump
Headlines Throughout Campaign
Including last one, “Trump Wins.” |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Americans to Spend More
Than $880 Billion This Holiday
Mostly on gift cards that will go unused. |
|
Volkswagen to Slash 30,000
Jobs in Wake of Scandal
Everyone not responsible has to go. |
|
 ExxonMobil
Accuses Rockefeller Family of Conspiring
Against It
Claims their great- grandfather “would
have them horsewhipped.” |
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| SCIENCE |
|
Wild Gorillas Observed
Engaging in Mob Violence
Scientists describe unusual behavior
as “human-like.” |
|
Sex With Robots Could Replace
Sex With Humans by 2050
Robots having sex with each other could
render humans obsolete by 2055. |
| |
| LIFESTYLE |
|
 March of
The Undead Attracts Thousands
Participants demand respect, object to
being called “Zombies.” |
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| |
| FACTOID |
|
Protecting Trump and His
Family Costs New York City Taxpayers Over $1 Million a Day
In return, city gets much-needed publicity. |
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