| MISCELLANEOUS |
 |
 Pepsi Withdraws
"Black Lives Matter" Ad Starring Kendall Jenner
After thousands of angry, offended protesters
shut down PepsiCo headquarters, bottling plants. |
|
| |
| TECHNOLOGY |
|
Report: Soon, Cars Will Read Your
Expressions, Act Accordingly
For example, drive off a cliff. |
| |
| EDUCATION |
|
Harvard Wants to Rewrite Alma Mater
Phrase “Bearers of Love Till the
Stock of the Puritans Die”
Now that the last Puritan alum has died. |
| |
| SPORTS |
|
 Report: NFL
Teams Forced Drugs on Players to Keep
Them on Field
Then forced them to take drug tests so they
could suspend them without pay. |
|
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| By attacking Syria, Donald
Trump has put the United States |
| A ) | on a steep
and slippery slope |
| B ) | ever deeper
into a quagmire |
| C ) | on the very
edge of the abyss |
| D ) | up Shit Creek
without a paddle in a chicken wire canoe |
| E ) | on the path
to peace |
| (Hint: Only one of the above answers is totally wrong.) |
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| |
| TRAVEL |
|
Companies Offering Submersible
Vessel Tours of Titanic for $100,000
Or, with a tablespoon of baking soda you could
replicate dive in bathtub. |
| |
| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
 |
 Peeps Pizza
Appears in Time for Easter
Also available: Peeps on a matzoh for our
Jewish friends. |
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