| PICTURE OF THE WEEK |
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Sculptor of Wall Street's Iconic
“Charging Bull” Wants
“Fearless Girl” Removed
“She's questioning my manhood,” he claims. |
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| CRIME |
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Another Journalist Murdered
In Mexico
According to rumors. |
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| SPORTS |
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NBA Season Ends With
Teams Trying to Lose
Improving chance of getting high draft
pick they can pay with winnings from
betting against themselves. |
|
 MLB Commissioner
Suggests Cleveland Indians Should “Transition
Away” From Chief Wahoo
To a more respectable mascot, like Tonto. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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New York City Trader Joe's Fires
Californian for “Insufficiently
Genuine” Smile
Anybody caught smiling in New York can be fired. |
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 White House
Demands Trump Ride in Carriage With
Queen When He Visits UK
And he wants a forward-facing window seat. |
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| TRENDS |
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Microdosing LSD Gains Popularity
for Mood Enhancement, Creativity
Megadosing still recommended for transcending
duality, merging with cosmos. |
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| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
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 Seattle Mariners
Serving Toasted Grasshoppers at Their Ballpark
Those who've tried them say they taste
“just like crickets.” |
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