Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MAY 3 - 9, 2021
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NEW PRODUCTS
  Tattoos That Fade in a Year!
Everyone today has at least one tattoo, and 94% of all tattoos are regretted within twelve months, according to The Duh Institute. Now you can get a tattoo that lasts only as long as most relationships, but your significant other doesn't have to know that. It'll start to fade when the romance does, or your money back. Price: variable, at Rent-a-Tat.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Researchers: Gossip Can
Be Good For You

As long as it's juicy and salacious.
Optimist Club International
Reports 9% Drop in
Membership Last Year

Many leaving to join doomsday cults.
 
TECHNOLOGY
AI Could Soon Crack
Interspecies Communication

It won't be long before you get a text message, “TIME FOR MY WALK!”
FEATURE
What percentage of Trump voters feel more loyal to Trump than to the Republican Party?
   A )  11%  
   B )  22%  
   C )  33%  
   D )  54%  
Hint: they even like Don Jr.
 
CENSUS
Population Grew at Second
Slowest Rate in History

Meanwhile, we got shorter, fatter, and poorer.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Chinese Entrepreneur Selling Donald Trump Buddha Statues
Laments orders have declined since recent BOGO sale began.

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