| PEOPLE |
 |
 Trump: Rising
Seas “Will Give You Slightly
More Seafront Property”
Always looking on the bright side. |
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| BUSINESS |
|
 Trump's Social
Media App Launches With Error Message
Trump says there was no error, the
app was being sarcastic. |
|
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Study: 59% Say They've Never
Had a Boss Who “Truly
Appreciates” Their Work
So they're unemployed and living with
their in-laws. |
| |
| REAL ESTATE |
|
 |
| |
Los Angeles Mega-Mansion
Sells for Less Than Half Its
$295 Million Asking Price
“Needs work,” says 12-year-old
podcaster who bought it. |
|
| SCIENCE |
|
Zuckerberg: Humans Will
Eventually Live in Metaverse
And Ignore Reality
Many will be eaten by packs of feral dogs. |
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Report: Nearly Half of All
Bald Eagles Have Lead
Poisoning From Bullets
Always ask before ordering fried eagle. |
| |
 Elon Musk
Offers to Keep International
Space Station in Orbit
Someplace nearby where he could
go on weekends. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
NFL Becomes First Sports
League to Drop Covid Protocols
Players can high five, hug, slap each
other on the ass again. |
|
Study: 3 Seconds of Strenuous
Exercise a Day Can Aid Health
Simply hurrying across the street
every day when the light's about to
turn red can add years to your life. |
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