| PEOPLE |
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 Trump Says He
Might Have to Sell Property to
Pay $454 Million Penalty
Starting with a “spacious 30,000-square
foot penthouse” in Manhattan. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
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UK: Mary Poppins Gets New
Rating of PG for Offensive Language
Dick Van Dyke's “deplorable” British accent. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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Merriam-Webster Relaxes
Rules of Grammar
“It what it is,” says spokesperson. |
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| CONSUMER NEWS |
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 Musk Says
New Tesla Roadster Will Go From
0 to 60 in Under 1 Second
All by itself. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Study: Men's and Women's
Brains Work Differently
Unanimous conclusion reached within
minutes, after a brief argument. |
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Musk: Human Neuralink
Subject Moves Mouse
“Just By Thinking”
But still can't defeat chimp Neuralink
subject at Pong. |
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 Mistakes Appearing
in AI Renderings Worry Historians
Many fooled into thinking blacks
fought for Nazi Germany in WWII. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Kellogg's CEO: Poor
Families Should Consider
“Cereal for Dinner”
Or cake. |
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Silicon Valley Billonaires
Seeking Immortality
Hope to live forever amongst a
colony of aging nerdy megalomaniacs. |
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