| ENVIRONMENT |
 |
 Another
Discarded Bag of Cheetos Upsets
Delicate Ecosystem of Carlsbad
Caverns
This time perpetrators caught
orange-handed. |
|
| |
| TECHNOLOGY |
|
Writers Reject Novels
Written by AI
Noting they all begin with “Call me
Ishmael,” or “It was a dark and
stormy night.” |
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Massive Data Breach of Social
Security Numbers May Be
Worse Than Suspected
Your IQ, weight, dick pics were also
compromised. |
| |
| LAW |
|
Law Professor: Immunity
Ruling Means Trump Could
Take Money for Pardons
For $1 million you get a pardon, plus
your choice of a mug, a t-shirt, or a
piece of the suit Trump wore during
the Biden debate. |
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| According to a recent poll,
what percentage of Republicans
think Donald Trump should
seize power even if he loses? |
| |
A ) |
5% |
|
| |
B ) |
8% |
|
| |
C ) |
10 |
|
| |
D ) |
25% |
|
| Hint: fasten your seatbelts. |
|
|
|
| |
| TRENDS |
|
Report: Use of Emojis Down
Instead of a weepy emoji, some use
an AI-generated 500-page romance novel. |
| |
| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
 Trump's Claim
of Immigrants Eating Pets
Enrages Haitian Community
Someone close to Trump confides
he's experiencing “sharp, piercing
pains.” |
|
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