Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - DECEMBER 25 - 31, 2000
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BUSH CABINET ALMOST COMPLETE
Final appointees to be announced next week.
 
SPORTS
Anticipation for XFL Season Building
Parole officers especially interested in opening game.
 
SHOW BUSINESS
Fox's "Compulsion Island" Announced
Reality show pits neurotics against obsessive-compulsives.
Crips, Bloods Sign Deal With CBS
Will do battle opposite XFL games on NBC.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS
A GIFT FOR THE POPE
Austrian President Joerg Haider gives Pope John Paul II a rare first edition of "Mein Kampf."
BUSINESS NEWS
Energy Crisis Traced
to Chinese Import
"Santa's Lil' Slave Laborer" Christmas lights waste electricity, sap power grid.
Fuller Brush-U.S. Carbon
Paper Merger Approved
Breaks record for smallest merger ever.
 
REMINDER
Before leaving that New Years Eve party, don't forget to have one for the road.
 
LEISURE
Americans Not Spending "Nearly Enough" Time on Internet
Study says we're too distracted by work, family, hobbies.
 
POLITICS
Compassionate Conservatives Ask for Death Row Changes
Want fresher, tastier food served at "last" meals.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Massive Recall of Dogs Announced
Reason: a tendency to roll over.

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