Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - JANUARY 29 - FEBRUARY 4, 2001
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THE ARTS
CLINTON TO PURSUE OPERA CAREER
Tells closest friends: “I want to sing.”
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Cure Discovered for "Economy
Class Syndrome"

Procedure involves upgrading of ticket to first class.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Random Acts of Violence
Down in 2000

Predictable acts of violence up.
Confederate Symbol Greatly Reduced in New Georgia State Flag
And burning cross can barely be seen.
 
RELIGION
Super Bowl Deemed a "Religious" Experience
Except for the losing team.
 
FASHION
BJORK TOPS BEST-DRESSED LIST
Pop star-turned- actress beats out runner-up Laura Bush.
MAN IN THE STREET
This Week's Question:
Q: "If you could be any animal, what would it be?"

Secretary of State Colin Powell: "Probably a cheetah, fast, cunning, a great warrior, but wise. "

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld: "Lion, definitely. Proud, willing to defend his territory, and fearless. "

National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice: "Eagle, super-observant, peerless in its accuracy."

Vice President Dick Cheney: "Elephant. Great memory, loyal."

President George W. Bush: "Elephant. Great memory, and loyal. "

 

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