Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - APRIL 2 - 8, 2001
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PEOPLE
BOZO THE CLOWN QUITS SHOWBIZ AFTER FORTY YEARS
Will run for governor of Minnesota.
POLITICS
Campaign Finance Reform Bill Lost
Senators looking everywhere, but hold out little hope of finding it.
Democrats Searching
For New Leader

Hope to find compassionate, charismatic, devout centrist, must be neutered.
 
SHOW BUSINESS
CHRIS FARLEY BIOPIC GOES BEFORE CAMERAS
German sumo wrestler stars as the brilliant, self-destructive comic.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
"Sorry, there's nobody by that name
at this address."
  -- Slobodan Milosevic           
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Americans Getting Too
Much Sleep, Study Finds

Possible cause: too much exercise.
 
Bush's 3rd Grade Student
Evaluation Shows Child with
Promise, Problems


(The following evaluation from Midland Elementary was obtained by Ironic Times)

George is an extremely popular youngster, with both his classmates and his teachers! He makes friends easily, and is a natural leader. Academically, however, he needs to improve. Areas which need special attention include in-class concentration, test prep and homework. George is quite a chatterbox, but he must learn when it is appropriate to speak and when to listen. If he pays more attention in class, works harder at home, especially on his vocabulary and his math skills, he can raise his overall grade average from where it is now into the acceptable range. He's also drinking too much.

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