Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - JUNE 4 - 10, 2001
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SPORTS
ANOTHER FIRST FOR BASEBALL
First nudist ballplayer celebrates his first major league home run.
 
FITNESS
Exercise from Taking Exercise Machines to Garage Passes All Other Sources
Unpacking, assembling machines is next.
 
TRENDS
Grandparents Getting Sick
Of E-Mailed Family Photos,
Hats, Mugs, T-Shirts
Already know what their grandchildren look like, just want to be left alone.
 
PEOPLE
BUSH MEETS WITH FOREIGN LEADER
Talks with “a guy named Coznofski or something.”
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW:
Sammy “The Bull” Gravano

(Mr. Gravano was
interviewed at an
undisclosed location.)
Ironic Times: Thank you for granting us this interview.
Gravano: Hey, what are they gonna do, whack me on the Internet?
I/T: First of all, we have to ask, have you ever seen “The Sopranos”?
Gravano: Are you kidding? All the time. I got one of those machines where you just set it and it tapes all the episodes automatically.
I/T: And what do you think?
Gravano: On TV they sugarcoat everything. Believe me, if we operated like that we'd be dead meat in no time. But I'm not involved in that crap anymore.
I/T: What about your recent trouble as the alleged head of an Ecstasy ring?
Gravano: I don't know nothin' about that. It's a bum rap and I'll beat it like I'll beat you if you don't change the subject.
I/T: Okay. I've got a little surprise for you, Sammy.
Gravano: A surprise? Hey! No! Don't! Aaahhhrrrggg!

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