Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - JULY 23 - 29, 2001
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PICTURE OF THE WEEK
Final Year for Beauty Pageant
Due to stricter environmental laws, the Miss Ozone contest will no longer be held.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Latest “Jurassic Park”
Getting Good Notices

Critics find actors much more lifelike this time around.
Downey Sentenced to Probation, Rehab
Will star in remake of “Groundhog Day.”
Most Webby Winners Now Homeless
Seat fillers accept awards for them.
 
BUSINESS
New York Stock Exchange
Installs Slot Machines

Traders demanding “more action, better odds.”
Bison Welcome Return of Snowmobiles to Yellowstone
Animals hope fast-moving vehicles bring in needed jobs, investment capital.
HIGH TECH EXCLUSIVE
Instructions for Reassembling EP3 Spy Plane (batteries not included)
 
Congratulations!
You have choose for reception of nearly- new EP3 model American Spy Plane! Easy take apart! Easy together back putting!
Step 1: (being the first: "b")
Making sure all screw and nuts.
Step 2: for Russians only! Sorry. All others:
Step 3:
Insert gromet (4) into flange bushing (h) using very forceful!
Step 4:
Kick, then pull!
Step 5:
These parts not available no more! Ask again next year.
Top part (7e) snugly fit plastic (h9) also bend. Step 6:
Finish! Your Pre-Owned EP-3 Spy Plane look like this:
If not, you have wrongly done! You spy now many happy hours! BUT NOT ON CHINA!
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Japanese Women Postponing Marriage
Researchers not sure why simultaneous
enslavement to husband, children, parents, aging in-laws losing its appeal.

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 Copyright 2001 Ironic Times