Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - SEPTEMBER 10 - 16, 2001
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BUSINESS
President Bush Praises America's Manufacturers
Cites innovations like edible work glove.
GE's Jack Welch Retires
Will play golf, relax, take over medium-sized South American country.
Krispy Kreme Rises 11% on
Bullish Wall Street Report

Makers of artifical hearts, oversized caskets also post big gains.
Disney, Kellogg in “Synergy” Deal
Full-length Tony the Tiger feature film, mouse-flavored cereal in the works.
Current Downturn “Merely a Correction,” Say Experts
Similar to “correction” that wiped out dinosaurs.
 
HIGH TECH
Sony Introduces New, Improved Robotic Dogs
Attract fleas, hump your leg, pee on rug.
SCIENCE
Superconductivity Achieved Above Temperature of Liquid Nitrogen by Mixing Chloroform, Bromoform, Carbon Molecules
Result: much faster downloads of naked celebrities.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
New Study: Chocolate Good for You
Prevents heart disease, says Dr. Whitman Sampler of the Hershey Institute.
 
INTERNET
New White House Web Site
Getting 30 Million Hits a Day

Mostly due to 24-hour TwinsCam.
 
CORRECTION
In our article last week, “A Healthier You,” we advised all readers to “exercise regularly, eat a balanced diet, and drink 28 eight-ounce glasses of water a day.” That should have been “8 eight-ounce glasses of water a day.” We apologize for any confusion or discomfort that may have been caused by this error.

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