Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - DECEMBER 10 - 16, 2001
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MISCELLANEOUS
Lure of Kennedy Award Nabs Five Notables in Sting
Van Cliburn, Jack Nicholson, Luciano Pavarotti, Quincy Jones and Julie Andrews were all wanted for unpaid parking tickets.
 
INTERNET
Internet Celebrates 100th Birthday
On December 12, 1901, the first pornographic image was sent through the mails.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Erin Brockovich Given Network Show
Based on “past accomplishments as a crusading environmentalist,” says ABC executive, “and her voluptuous breasts.”
BUSINESS
Ford Study: Company Did Not Profit
From Nazi Slave Labor

“Whole damn thing a money loser from the get-go,” says spokesperson.
Enron Splits 3-For-1
Shares now three times as worthless.
 
CONSTITUTIONAL REVIEW

According to the Constitution, the United States is at war when:

A)   A plurality of randomly sampled Americans thinks we're at war according to the Gallup Poll
B)
 The Supreme Court agrees by a majority vote to strap official Star Wars Light Sabers onto belts under their robes while uttering warlike shrieks
C)
 The President says we are


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