Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - MARCH 4 -10, 2002
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SIGNS OF THE TIMES
 
BOOKS
Jonathan Franzen's Latest Leaps
To the Top of Best Seller List

"Just lucky, I guess," says author of Oprah Winfrey is Wise and Beautiful.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
New Doomsday Clock-Radio Moves Two Minutes Closer to Midnight
When it strikes twelve it tunes in the Emergency Broadcast System.
NEWS OF THE WAR

Ironic Times has obtained the following memo sent to all US forces abroad by the Pentagon Office of Community Relations:

Hey there, soldier! We know how busy you are now as you prepare for Phase Two of the War Against Terrorism, so here's a letter you can send home, already pre-approved!

Dear _______
It's great to be here in (choose one: IRAQ, the PHILIPPINES, COLOMBIA, OTHER), fighting for freedom! The (choose one: DESERT, JUNGLE, MOUNTAINS, OTHER) is beautiful and we can't wait to wipe out those stinking (choose one: IRAQIS, MUSLIM FANATICS, LEFTIST REBELS, OTHER), in defense of tolerance, our precious freedoms, and the American oil companies. Don't worry, we're still the best armed fighting force in the world, despite the efforts of Bill Clinton and the Democrats to take away our weapons and make us weak!
Love to all, ________


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