Ironic Times

page one
PAGE TWO - MARCH 11 - 17, 2002
page three

ANSWER TO LAST WEEK'S PUZZLER: 
47 meetings, all with the Vice President in his office.
 
BUSINESS
Verizon Slashes 10,000 Jobs
James Earl Jones will assume more responsibilities.
Microsoft: Can't Remove Internet Explorer from Windows
Company not sure how it got there in the first place.
 
PICTURE OF THE WEEK
Hindu Holymen Protest McDonald's 99¢ Menu
Demand India use its nuclear arsenal to end slaughter of cows.
SPACE

NASA Contacts Pioneer 10, Launched 30 Years Ago
Probe responds that all systems are "groovy."
 
SCIENCE
NASA: Discovery of Martian Water Holds Great Potential
Could be the next Zima.
New Findings: T. Rex Much
Slower Than Thought

Huge dinosaur was never on time.
Software Error Corrected: Universe is Beige, Not Pale Green
Also, it tastes kind of like chicken, not like creamed spinach.
IRONIC TIMES SPECIAL REPORT
Last week, the Database of Nuclear Smuggling, Theft, and Orphan Radiation Sources at Stanford University made public a list of lost or stolen radioactive material. Here is an excerpt:
Item   Last Seen   During
2 lbs Uranium 238   Hooters Restaurant, Memphis, Tenn.   TGIF Wet T-shirt Contest
1 kg Plutonium   Islamabad Bed 'n Breakfast Inn   Feta Cheese & Fatwa Hour
4 Spent Fuel Rods   3 Mile Island Moose Club   Acme Flight School Graduation Party
.5 kg Uranium 235   Tblisi Zoo, Republic of Georgia   Ex-Nuclear Scientist Discount Day

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
   Copyright 2002 Ironic Times