Ironic Times

page one
PAGE TWO - MAY 20 - 26, 2002
page three

PEOPLE
Joe Piscopo Urged Not to Run for Governor of New Jersey
Just in case the thought ever crosses his mind.
Jenna Bush Accompanies Mother
On European Goodwill Tour

She visits four countries where drinking age is 18.
Cardinal Mahony Apologizes
Places blame on sidekick, Msgr. Knucklehead Smiff.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
"Star Wars" Fans Who Waited Months Outside Theater Finally See Film
They find it "superficial," "lacking in substance," "cartoon-y."
Fox Adds "Celebrity Train
Wreck" to Fall Schedule

One-hour pilot featuring former celebrities in head-on train collisions tests well.
ABC Replaces Bill Maher
With Jimmy Kimmel

Peter Jennings replaced by Carrot Top.
Manute Bol, Olga Korbut, "Refrigerator" Perry Appear on Celebrity Boxing
"It's not the size of the dog," joked Korbut, just prior to being knocked out.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Patients Want Doctors in
White Coats, No Sneakers, Jeans

Also, no tattoos, spiked hair, nose rings.
Canadian Study: Premature
Ejaculation a Problem for
One in Four Men

But three in four don't give a damn.
 
SCIENCE
Scientists Apply for
"Humouse" Patent

Half human, half mouse will be first life form to ask the ultimate meaning of cats.
 
WAR ON DRUGS
Study: Teens Use More Drugs
After Viewing Anti-Drug Ads

Latest campaign will urge teens to avoid such ads.
 
INTERNET
Latest Figures Show Web
Use Down Sharply

Fad over, people return to using library, writing letters in longhand, and fantasizing about the girl next door.
 
MILESTONES
Famed Mafia Chieftain Joseph "Joe Bananas" Bonanno Dies
Notorious godfather of all godfathers, "capo di tutti capo," boss of all bosses; after slipping on a banana peel.

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
   Copyright 2002 Ironic Times