Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – FEB 24 -MAR 2, 2003
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MISCELLANEOUS
Americans Told To Prepare for The Worst
The worst air quality laws in a generation.
ENVIRONMENT
Yellowstone Facing Overpopulation
Of Snowmobilers

Some may have to be shot or poisoned.
 
SPORTS
Yanks Purchase Red Sox,
Take Their Top Stars

Leave a core unit of "truly horrible players."
NBA Trade Deadline Passes
With Flurry of Activity

Head cases, underachievers, disgruntled prima donnas exchanged for each other.
New People Brought in to Run
U.S. Olympic Committee

They promise not to take as many bribes.
 
MERCHANDISING
Best-Selling Toys
1. Lego Underground Bunker
2. Nerf Smart Bomb
3. Tickle Me Jacko
4. Extra Busty Barbie
5. Breast-Reduction Barbie
This Week's Question: Should the United States invade Iraq?
Jesus: No. And for a so-called born-again Christian to do so is personally embarrassing to me. I'm thinking of suing.
Allah: No, but if they do invade it'll be an eye for an eye. Bush could end up wearing a patch and looking like the Hathaway man - remember him?
Yahweh: Yes. The whole operation will take maybe a week or two, and then we can get back to watching sports.
Buddha: Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.
Ra: This is really a better question for the God of War, but I'll take a swing at it. No, they shouldn't invade unless there is a legitimate reason. And certainly not without the rest of the world's support. Any knucklehead knows that.

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