Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MARCH 3 - 9, 2003
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MISCELLANEOUS
Latest Theory: The Swiss Built Stonehenge
Precisely arranged rocks apparently the creation of politically neutral yodelers using handy, multi-purpose implements; traces of hot chocolate also detected.
 
MEDIA
  Top GOP Magazines,
Week of 2/24/03
  1. Inside Trader's Digest
  2. Tax Shelters Illustrated
  3. Ladies Stay-At-Home Journal
  4. Landfill and Stream
  5. Popular Creationist
  6. U.S. News and World Domination
 
BUSINESS
Hooters Air Begins Operations
Delta, United may go braless.
Batch of Tainted Fish Sticks Recalled
Some consumers complained of ill effects.
SCIENCE
Daily Telegraph: Isaac Newton Said End of World Will Occur in 57 Years
Estimate failed to take into account current administration.
Synthetic Trees Will Purify Air
And mystify squirrels.
350,000-Year-Old Decorative Ax
Found at Spanish Burial Site
Hints of Early Religion

And early Holy War.
 
SPACE

Pioneer 10, Beyond
Our Solar System,
Says Goodbye

Its final message, "So long, suckers," takes nearly eleven hours to reach Earth.
 
CORRECTION
Last week we mistakenly reported that Saddam Hussein had warned dissenters to "Shut up" if war breaks out or be considered "enemies of the state." In fact, it was Fox News commentator Bill O'Reilly who made the remarks. We apologize for the error.

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