Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 5 -11, 2003
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PEOPLE
Mag: Moral Beacon William Bennett Has Big Gambling Problem
Promoter of family values and virtuous living is known in Las Vegas as “Holier-Than-Thou Slim.”
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Creator Aaron Sorkin Out at
"West Wing," Changes Expected

Martin Sheen will be born again, quit drinking, among other new story lines.
People Magazine Publishes List of
“10 Most Beautiful People”

In remarkable coincidence, they are all well-known actors.
Reality Shows’ Ratings Plummet, Networks Look to Alternatives
Experimental new programs built around “scripts” that are “written” by “writers” and then “performed” by “actors” will be given a brief tryout this summer.
 
BUSINESS
At $1.5 Million, World's Most Expensive Shoes May Go Unsold
Imelda Marcos not in the market, Madonna has forsworn all material things.
HIGH TECH
Goal of Cashless Society
Almost Here

Most people almost broke.
 
SCIENCE
Fish Feel Pain When Hooked,
Says British Study

And what worms feel is off the charts.
 

Private Rocket Plane Offers
Passengers Earth Orbits for
Only $1 Million Each

But must leave on weekday, stay over weekend.
 
RELIGION
Pope Beatifies 17th Century Friar
Who Discovered Cappuccino

Saint Starbucks will be responsible for all hot beverages costing more than three dollars.
 
CORRECTION
We recently reported that a Pentagon study found the rich were not "well-represented by the military." In fact, the study found the rich were not "well-represented in the military." We apologize for the error.

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