Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MAY 19 - 25, 2003
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SPORTS
Shadow Olympics Off to Good Start
100-meter dash winner breaks world and Shadow Olympic record.
Baseball: All-Star Game Winner to Determine Home-Field Advantage in World Series
World Series winner to determine who pays for drinks at All-Star game.
Tour de France Will Be Clothing Optional This Year
World's leading nude cyclist, Roland Gaspar, could challenge Lance Armstrong.
 
ADVERTISING
AFLAC Commercials Will Be Re-Shot for Chinese TV Audience
Duck will have new voice, side dish.
LATEST INSTA-POLL:
Most Americans Don't Respond
 I never respond to insta-polls  73%    
    I always respond   21%  
        I sometimes respond     6%
FEATURE
By repealing the double taxation of dividend income, Republicans have succeeded in putting more money in the hands of:
A) a majority of ordinary Americans most likely to jump-start the economy.
B) a plurality of small business owners most likely to reinvest the tax savings in growing their businesses.
C)a plurality of family farmers most likely to forge lasting trade relationships with visitors from other galaxies.
D) a plutocracy of the richest Americans most likely to contribute to the Republican Party.
 
TRAVEL
U.S. Warns on Travel to Saudi Arabia
And all other "friendly" countries.
 
EDITOR'S NOTE
  It has recently come to our attention that some, if not all, of the articles written for this publication have been partially, or wholly, fabricated. We have taken the necessary steps to remedy the situation, and apologize for any confusion this may have caused.

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