Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – AUGUST 25 - 31, 2003
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RELIGION
Alabama Compromise Satisfies Devotees of Different Faiths
Ten Commandments to share display area with Kama Sutra (right).
 
EDUCATION
National Testing Policy Showing Results.
Now possible to identify school districts which cheat on tests by seeing where scores are improving.
Students Returning to College
Face Vastly Higher Tuition Fees

Many must choose between books and beer.
 
SPORTS
Report: Pete Rose to Be Reinstated by Major League Baseball
Just as soon as he coughs up the $500,000 he owes his bookie.
 
ART
Mona Lisa Begins Tour of Europe
“I’m looking for some adventure,” she says, with an enigmatic smile.


With the blazing summer sun melting the keys on my wireless laptop, here are a couple of stocks that should really heat up, enough to pay for a new air conditioner:

If you're looking for a really fast buck, try Counterfitness Centers (FAKE-MNY), which is a counterfeiting ring disguised as a chain of health clubs. They'll get caught, but until they do they're making a lot of money.

While I usually steer clear of entertainment stocks, Triple X Films (XXX-FLMS) caught my eye. A low-budget producer of pornographic movies, they pay actors virtually nothing and don't file income taxes, making their profit margin the envy of Wall Street.

With a little luck we'll all be a whole lot cooler - or in the cooler - this summer!

(Mr. Money is paid by each of the companies mentioned.)

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