Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – SEPTEMBER 22 - 28, 2003
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PEOPLE
Princess Stephanie of Monaco Weds Circus Acrobat
Acrobat's family gives its grudging approval.
MISCELLANEOUS
Los Angeles City Council Bans Strippers From Lap Dancing
But, say club owners, nothing on the books to keep lap dancers from stripping.
 
BUSINESS
Porsche's First SUV Sells for $96,000
Comfortably seats a family of six at speeds approaching 200 mph.
McDonald's to Offer
Adult Happy Meal

Consists of oysters, a fifth of vodka, and a colorful condom.
Toyota Introduces Car That Parks Itself
Circles block, finds space, puts change in meter.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Drinking Wine May Help Women Conceive
Flowers and candy not nearly as effective.
Grumpy People Get More Colds,
Flu Than Others

Based on study of 50,000 grumpy people.
British Europe's Worst Binge Drinkers, Says Study
Also Europe's best binge drinkers, says different study.
Study: Talking on Cellphone
Leads to Senility

At which point you forget where you put the damn thing.
 
SCIENCE
Researchers Find Monkeys Have Sense of Fair Play
Explains six-month strike by lab chimps.
Venus May Have Been Habitable
For Billions of Years

But relaxed environmental laws led to its demise.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Report: Overfishing of Beluga Sturgeon Could Mean No More Caviar
Matter given “highest priority” by world’s wealthiest scientists.

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