Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – OCTOBER 20 - 26, 2003
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RELIGION
Pope Beatifies Mother Teresa
Cites miracles, sizzling sainthood promotional video (right) as reasons.
 
SPORTS
Red Sox, Cubs Fans Descend
On Washington

Lobby Congress to legalize assisted suicide.
White House Receives Praise From Major League Baseball
Thanks to global warming, playoffs can extend all the way into November.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Strikes Cripple Beverly Hills
Simultaneous walkouts by personal trainers, aromatherapists, plastic surgeons brings city to a standstill.
Best in Show
“Tom Tom” (shown) wins top prize at New York Cat Show by only biting one judge.
LETTERS

Dear Editor,

My name is
YOUR NAME HERE and I am stationed in NAME OF LOCATION HERE, Iraq with the NAME AND NUMBER OF YOUR UNIT HERE. Much of what the media has been reporting about Operation Iraqi Freedom is wrong. We have been working hard to improve Iraq's NAME OF DAMAGED INFRASTRUCTURE YOU’RE WORKING ON HERE. In conjunction with HALLIBURTON OR BECHTEL HERE, we will restore Iraq's WATER, ELECTRIC, OR OIL SYSTEM HERE. In NAME OF PROVINCE HERE, we are working hard to earn the respect and trust of the local SUNNI, KURD, OR SHIITE HERE population. Just thought the readers of NAME OF LIBERAL NEWSPAPER HERE should know.

Sincerely,

YOUR NAME AND RANK HERE

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