Ironic Times

page one
PAGE TWO – DECEMBER 8 - 14, 2003
page three

PEOPLE
Bush Visits Successful Businesses to Push Optimism On Economy
He's seen here sharing a laugh with employees of Gas Masks, Bomb Shelters and Beyond.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Rap Record Label Murder Inc
Changes Name

Music & Murder Inc “better reflects” company’s diversified interests, says spokesman.
 
MEDIA
Revisions to Media Rules
Will Allow Fox to Keep Illegally
Purchased Stations

According to unconfirmed report in The East Lansing Middle School Tribune.
 
BUSINESS
"Everybody Else Was Doing It" Defense Triumphs in IOC
Bribery Case

Fortune 500 boards of directors plan week of celebration, conspicuous excess.
Credit Lyonnais Purchased by Hellman's
West of the Rockies it will be known as Best Foods Lyonnais.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Man Accused of Cannibalism
Goes on Trial in Germany

Claims he was only following Atkins Diet.
Maker Runs Out of Flu Vaccine
“But we have plenty of other nice vaccines that might interest you,” says company spokesman.
AMA Wants Study for Organ
Transplant Market

Win-win option would benefit those rich enough to buy, desperate enough to sell.
 
SCIENCE
Scholars Discover Parts of New Testament
Translated, it reads, “Disregard previous Testament.”
Fossil, 425 Million Years Old, Earliest Example of Male Animal
Water-dwelling crustacean never asked for directions during its lifetime.
 
WHERE ARE THEY NOW
Saddam Hussein
The former Iraqi ruler, who fled Baghdad in April, has been living in relative quiet at a friend’s apartment in the suburbs. He spends his time watching television, doing crossword puzzles, and occasionally sitting down at the typewriter (“An old Underwood!”) to take another stab at his second novel.

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
   Copyright 2003 Ironic Times