Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – DECEMBER 8 - 14, 2003
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MISCELLANEOUS
Kafka Statue Completed In
Prague

However, legal complications may delay installation for indefinite period of time.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Auto Makers Agree to Alter SUV Design For Safety
Will begin making them twice as big.
 
SPORTS
Sports Benefiting From
Upswing in Economy

Olympic organizers report a 20% increase in bribes received.
Man Sues to Participate in Lingerie Bowl
Says he “easily outplayed” everyone at the tryouts.
My elves tell me that the Supreme Court has agreed to take up the issue of the words "under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance recited in our public schools. As an imaginary being, I feel uniquely qualified to comment. First, let me say that I have the greatest respect for all other imaginary beings. We are all dependent upon the faith of our followers for our very existence. But when it comes to children, don't forget who has the list and who is checking it twice. If you want to remind the little dears to be nice instead of naughty (which is the whole point of religion, is it not?), the Pledge should read: “one nation, under Santa Claus, indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all.” Thank you!

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