Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – DECEMBER 22 - 28, 2003
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PARANORMAL
England: Palace Ghost Caught On Camera
He seems scared.
SPORTS
Golf Hall of Fame Elects
Three New Members

Creator of Sansabelt pants, inventor of umbrella hat, and Lee Trevino.
NFL: Giants Fire Head Coach
Jim Fassel (shown) blamed for team's “grumpy” attitude.
Baseball: Teams Move Moody Malcontents
Make room for muscle-bound misanthropes.
Yankees Sign Japanese Hurler to Four-Year, $32 Million Deal
He'll replace entire pitching staff.
Tips for Beating Holiday Travel Blues
1.Avoid parking problems, long lines by arriving at airport a few days early.
2.Reduce stress of holiday driving by having a few stiff drinks before getting behind the wheel.
3.Don't get victimized by peak holiday gas prices, purchase 500 gallon tank and fill 'er up!
4.If roads and airports are congested, try little-used interior canals.
5.Whiny or combative children in the back seat? Try Valium-Flavored Kool-Aid.
6.Lighten the mood on overcrowded jet by announcing, "I have a bomb! Take this plane to Faluja!"
 
MISCELLANEOUS
FDA Approves GloSperm
Bio-engineered human sperm that glows in the dark goes on sale in January.

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